Foraging for Mom Friends

[00:00:00] Welcome to "Reinventing This Shitshow ," the podcast for moms who are just trying to make it through the day I'm Millie ,and I'm Maxine. We're friends. We're moms. We're having a midlife crisis. Join us!

So,I think that we want to maybe start off with talking about who the hell we are and why the fuck we're doing this, maybe? Exactly. Yeah, no, I think, I think that's exactly what we need to do. We are 40 somethings. Correct. We have kids -coming up on 40 something more soon. We have careers. we have husbands, do you do. We do have husbands. You've had one for a long time. I have. I have a newish one, this model anyway. I've upgraded. Late model [00:01:00] husband. You did. I'm not gonna lie. You struck gold this time. I know, we're so honeymoon-y. Okay. Oh, that's so cute. Why don't why don't we.

I feel like we should kind of share with our new friends who we are so sure. We've talked about it a little bit, but why don't you. Oh, you want me to start? I do. I knda want... So that I know what the hell I'm supposed to say. Oh, good. I get to go first. Okay, so well, I'm Millie. Yes. I'm 40 something Um, let's see, married, lovely husband, two kids. 14 and 11. both gifted, both ADHD. so, you know, we've got some struggles there. We'll talk about that at some point. what else? Two dogs, a cat, four chickens. It's a fucking menagerie at your house. We don't have any rodents though. So like no hamsters or any of that stuff. Oh, and they're showing me soon to be one horse. [00:02:00] We'll definitely talk about that at some point. Let's see what else? Like. I got a good job. Yeah. You like it? Yeah. I like it. A couple of degrees in musical theater slash opera. But that's not what you're doing currently. Absolutely not. And one of the things we're definitely going to talk about. Absolutely because I miss it like crazy. Yeah. Yeah. And let's see, why did I want to start a podcast? I, well we were talking about it one day and I've been doing a lot of Mel Robbins listening. Yeah, so I was just kind of like going through some goals and realizing like there was some shit that I really wish that I had done. Some crazy shit that I think I might still try to do, some of which is just stupid. It's not happening, but you know what. The book I was reading said something about like, no, it was Mel. She said like close your eyes. And imagine that someone has written you a check and she was like, how much was your check for? She was like, was it $500,000? Is it a million dollars? She said it should have been $500 billion. That that's the check you should be thinking about. You're shortchanging [00:03:00] yourself if you...don't think... Ooh, and that like dribbles into every part of your life. Exactly. So like set your goals somewhere where like you'll probably fail, but you're going to get, you know..."shoot for the star. 'cause you'll land among the whatever" Shoot for the moon, because you'll land among the whatever I don't - shut up. Yeah. Anyway, it's a good point. So, yeah, so we were chatting about that and I don't know which one of us mentioned a podcast, but, I don't know. Now we're here.

And it's, I mean, it's true. Like we can't find anything out there that we can relate to. No! Every time I've been like. Because it's not like fucking rainbows and sunshine. Shit is messy right now. And you kind of have these itchy moments like, I missed out. I missed out. I didn't do what I was supposed to do or why didn't I try this or..You know, because you get caught up in the beauty of raising kids, but like I say it's, it's traumatic as hell. But it's like, you kind of stop and you look around and you're like, how did I get here? [00:04:00] Yeah. Is this the life I really signed up for? Not exactly. I can't do it over now, like, I keep thinking about that. Like when do I get to hit restart? Okay. So. Anyway, let's talk about you. I recently married. Been married, you know, a thousand times before that . But, really hit the jackpot with this one. Yup. Three incredible children. Yep. they're young adults, mine are. One is on the spectrum. One has ADHD and all three of them are gifted. So like you, that's kind of some fuckery in the education system. We're navigating all the time to try and make sure everybody's needs are being met. My background is education. I've been in education for a million years, right. Specifically special education. I'm working on my doctorate right now, as you know, Which we'll talk about in more detail at some point. We're going to - I'm getting close to that finish line. Wooh. Awesome. For the record. That was me trying to woo. What was that? I don't know. [00:05:00]

I think I need more wine. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. We have our...

we have a somalier, it's fine. She's gonna bring the goods.

Back to you. So, and the podcast thing, it's kind of what you said. We, we just felt like, cause you and I are podcast junkies. Right. And we Just never found anything that really mattered. And that was real and that covered, covered our conversation. Right. So like one of my favorite pod, I love true crime as all middle-aged women apparently do. It's like a thing. We LIVE true crime. I don't know, that's a whole. That's a whole other story, but so the, the true crime podcasts that I love, I see you And That's Why We Drink." and "Sinisterhood. " I see you. Um, but they're, but they're younger. Like they're younger than me. And I love them, but they're not my age. So I listen to these podcasts, like just to have another, like female voice in my life, you know, like feeling like there's. Somebody that [00:06:00] you can... you're listening and you're like, yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Because it's impossible to find the right mom, friends, like you find...and who has time? It's true. Who has time to forge...a new relationship?

Did you say forage? I was, I thought that's what you meant though. Like forage foraging for mom friends. Can that be the title of this episode?I'm in the Family Forest foraging for mom, friends. That's what I'm saying. Like, Right. And sometimes you get the friends, the mushrooms, cause I'm going, I'm going with this analogy, right? You're foraging for mushrooms. Only some of them are edible. The rest will kill you. So many of them are poisonous. Not to be an asshole. It's just not the right fit. And so, if you can find your besties out there in cyber world, who can be on this journey with you. Dude I'm here for it. Yeah. Me too. Right. So like right now, I fall asleep listening to true, true crime. I'd [00:07:00] rather fall asleep listening to just, you know, something that isn't about murder, but, I mean. I don't know how you do that. I don't know. I have weird dreams. I did have some weird dreams last night because of all the candy corn I ate

Is that true? Candy corn gave you bad dreams. Okay. So. You know, I'm kind of earthy hippie mommy don't eat a lot of, processed shit, yes. Oh yes. Okay. That's the real story here is that you were eating candy corn.

So I, I, I really liked those fucking harvest medleys or whatever the shit. The ones that are shaped, like pumpkins, they're better. Okay. I got into those last night. And because of that I had some crazy-ass dreams. Vivid as Hell, too. I think it was the food coloring.

Right. Waah. So, this is a good transition into Halloween. I feel like we need to talk about Halloween a little bit. I think we do. We're in our Halloween jammies, sweating our balls off. Sweating to [00:08:00] death because. Cause this.! Look at it. It's just fucking hot. Yeah. But it's, you know, Spooky and whatnot. Yeah. So are you guys ready? For Halloween. I'm getting, I'm getting a sort of. So here's our costume story. Try to keep it quick because no one cares. Yeah, but so what happened was. Shut up. Okay. So my husband's getting ready to get out of town. Get out of town leave town. He was leaving town for a work thing. And the kids wanted to see the Barbie movie. And so did I.Yeah. So. So the kids wanted to see the Barbie movie. And so did I, and so we were going to go to the theater and I was like, trying to be fun, mom, like let's wear Barbie outfits. Right. So the big one wanted to do like dress up like Ken, right? So like the Flamingo shirt, whatever. The little one wanted to dress up like Barbie. So we found her, like a really adorable little pink and white dress with the black Peter pan collar and all that stuff. And I found myself another dress that had like a black belt and it was really cute. Right. So I'm looking like we order them. They're coming. I [00:09:00] look at the calendar. The movie's done like two days before he leaves town. So we're not going. That is so fucking you. It is me. Is that not me? Like, go all out on something, but forget to check the calendar. So we've got all this stuff and, we did wind up then buying the movie on prime later and watching it and it was great. And we'll talk about that another time, but right. And even though I paid like $25 for the fucking movie off of Amazon prime, it was still cheaper than going to the movie theater. But then we had this stuff and I was like, returning anything to Amazon, is annoying as Hell, I'm not doing it. So what can we use this with? So I decided, well, that's going to be our Halloween costumes. So now. Well, the little one is - the big one already decided that she's going, as the headless horseman, because yes. So a whole nother story. We're buying a horse. Please don't judge me. I never thought I would own a horse. They just a whole story. Yeah, it does. [00:10:00] Doesn't it, it makes me sound super pretentious and that is.

Yes, with my horse that has ear mites Oh, he has a fungal infect.... I didn't know it was a fungal infection. I thought it was ear mites. He's got ear mites and he can't eat anything solid. He chokes and that'll kill him. Do you fucking baby bird him? Sort of. Sort now that this is a whole nother conversation. So anyway, She's going as the headless horseman. Which we got a pretty kick ass costume that we pieced together, and then she made the head. It's going to be really neat. That's, cool. But so now we have this, Ken shirt that was ordered to fit a 14 year old child that my husband is...Shit, please let me see pictures of that...

Do you know what I'm gonna do with those fucking pictures?

This is why. I'm not saying his name. So the three of us are going to go as Barbie, Barbie, and Ken or whatever, you know? And the Headless Horseman.

The best [00:11:00] part is the big one would like to, take the horse with us. Trick-or-treating. Yeah, I don't see a problem with that.

She has fucking accessories. Have you noticed that with Halloween now? Oh, you got to go all out. You have to buy accessories. All right. They don't come in, in the fucking costume. It's and I need to buy this piece, and this piece, so a horse? Absolutely.

First of all, half the time, they're not allowed to wear anything to school anymore. They can't wear Halloween costumes, but now it's no masks. Nobody can have masks. I blame. Like, you know, the fuckers with guns because now we can't like cover our faces anymore. The fuckers with guns for like 85 million things. But yeah, well, 85% of the world's problems are the fuckers with guns. And this is your warning, by the way, if you're like a second amendment. Folk person, you should just turn us off. We're done. Like not happening. So bye-bye. Anyway, so I'd say we're. Fine. I haven't bought any Halloween candy, but we don't get any trick-or-treaters anyway. And we got to go find a place to trick or treat because you know how [00:12:00] that is now like three neighborhoods in town. have stuff. What, why are you raising your hand? Can we talk about how vastly and listen. I know we are old as fuck. Okay. Like I get it. But can we talk, can we just go with we're gen X? Because that sounds way cooler than oldest. Fuck. That's different is Halloween. I mean now than it was back in the old days. When your parents opened the door and turned you out with the. Pillow case.

Usually some sort of like trash bag costs. Right. Something plastic. That's smelled still like gasoline or gypsy or I'm a cat. You and your gypsy.

Cheap as shit masks. Oh my God. Dickie and hot on your yes. And they cut. Oh, they cut into your eyes. Do you remember that? Or what if you like. Oh, no, no, no. Don't stick your tongue through the mouth. But you would stay out for hours. Yep. You would walk tests. So much [00:13:00] candy. From the Midwest. Up up where it's cold as hell too. Going

on Halloween. We didn't give a fuck. And neither did our parents. No, no. Well, this was the eighties. Nobody. Nobody drove us around.

Oh girl, I have such as. I have some Halloween stories from Alaska, but that's a whole separate conversation, but I'm talking about us when we. We may turn our asses loose. Yep. Oh, and then, but come home. You can't eat anything. Come home. I got to cut it all open and look for razorblades. To separate it out. We're going to look for razorblades. We're going to look like. Weapons, but see, I still feel like most of that was just so they could take shit that they want for sure. Oh, that Snickers bar looks like. Tampered with, let me have that. Yeah. You know, because then like,

oh, did they do trick or beer? My dad liked trigger beer. I don't know. That's a really good idea. Actually. I think it's more something he talked about and never actually did, but. It was a [00:14:00] joke. Like we're going to do trigger beer. Like he's going to have his guy friends come over and they're going to walk us around the neighborhood while they drink beer. But I don't know that that ever actually happened. My brother. And I'm going to talk about this later on. Oh, yeah. My brother lives in a neighborhood where they're all fucking besties. Oh, I hate that because I want it. I know, right? Yeah. Go to each other's houses. I guarantee fucking to you that the kids go out trick or treating as a big.

And the parents follow up on. Then drinking and snacking. You know, it's like this really fun. So that's a little bit like how it is in the neighborhood we found. That's not that far from here, we drive over there. I wish we could drive the golf cart, but we can't. No, that's the problem. Like, oh, I just made myself sound even more pretentious. Yes, we have a golf cart. Oh my God. I'm gonna have to cut all this shit out.

We are not. Like, we're not, oh God. Yes. Can we get back to Halloween? Let's talk about your Halloween. To these [00:15:00] neighborhoods. Yeah, and we'll walk around and, you know, there's. Oh, no. Yeah, we park. No, no, no, no. You have to park you park. And then we, we walk forever and ever. Yeah. Nobody walked with us. No. Okay. Yeah. One less kid. That's like fewer Lunchables that had to be purchased.

Bagel bites. Oh, we are. My kids just discovered those. No, my kids are old now. So. I wasn't going to go with old. I'm going to go with young adults. One is a voting age. Is the youngest is going to trick or treat, but it's the same thing. She goes to her friend's house. And then the mom drives. Right. And what sexy thing is she going? Assay? That stuff drives me, bananas. All the four-ish. Costumes. We did not look like whores. We had like plastic wonder woman.

Gypsy you said it was a gypsy always, always. You know [00:16:00] any cause it's what she could pull out. But that's how everybody had you either had the scary plastic thing, right? You know, sweaty and scratchy, super dangerous and probably poisonous. Oh God. Lead paint. Absolutely. Oh, for sure. Or you had a homemade costume where you have a fucking sheet with holes. I know you are wearing your brother's football Jersey. Yes. Like nobody had these insanely expensive costs. No. That you had to buy three months in advance. So. So you can make sure it was here. The spirit Halloween. Pop-up stores. Those didn't exist. He's like $200. Okay. We still. Really old right now, but this was fun times. Like these were fun times. Digging through the Halloween trunk, finding what you wanted to wear. That's exactly what it was so fun. Or something like, here's what you are one year, because I would be jealous of like my friends who had parents that like could so, and shit. Oh, That was my mom. No, that was my mom. One year she made [00:17:00] me. She took a cardboard box.

That's not what I thought.

Cardboard box. Nevermind. Nevermind. Not going to say it, but it was a cardboard box. I had like a fucking top hat and she love it. Shots on this box. That's how you knew she loved you. She glue dots on a box for you. Really aggressive. You too. Make an example of me or something. No, no, no, no, no. That's how she said. I love, you know, I think it was like a PTA. I don't know. Oh, it's like keeping up with the PTA moms, keeping up with Karen. All the moms had like the big perm tear and like the swishy. Oh my God. The ones that went.

Oh, my God. Anyway, so the girl let's go circle back. The girl will go and do the trick or treating with the [00:18:00] friend. Okay. Yeah. We're not, I I'm like on the backend of this shit, like you're still. I'm kind of done. I'm tired. I'm kinda sad about it though. I don't. But so our Halloween is not like, here is your soul. I know. And I love it. I mean, I really it's awesome. Yeah, that's awesome. Not be in it anymore. Well, that's the thing, like I think with all things as you age, You miss all that stuff, but then you have to, you have to remember that it's also awesome to be out of it. Well, and it's ha. No kids. Kids these days. Like the girl's costume. Yeah. There's elements of it that are not my favorite, little too short. A little too showy. And that's how all costumes are now. Yeah, we sound really old, but I get no, but I know like, Yeah, you know, Have you seen mean girls? Not the movie, the musical. So there's that whole song about, try out a new and sexy look. prop manager. For my first [00:19:00] wine. Yes. no. When we talk about Halloween candy again, though. Oh, yeah. You buy any Halloween candy for this year? I have not. I will. I will buy $40 worth. I will put it in. Our plastic cauldron on the porch. And either none of it will be gone or one kid will come by and take the entire thing. Either way I don't care. Cause the Candy's gone. Ready to do that. Like, I was never that asshole that went and did that shit into my pillowcase. No. That's not nice. No, we bought a shitload of candy and most of it has been eaten. It's not even Halloween yet. And I told you I got into this. That surprises me. That's not like you at all. No. And that's why I had weird dreams. It was because of the God damn food coloring. But. Got it tasted amazing. And I did have it today again, too. Back to hide it from myself like that. So not. Enough. Wow. I. Tony. Definitely. Maybe I should tell you what really happened. What really happened? So, I don't [00:20:00] know. I don't want to get into this except to say. And I sent boy to, to get said candy corn yesterday because he can drive praise Jesus. When is my time coming. And I wanted the harvest. Okay. Fucking pumpkin's cause they taste different. I want all of that. So they didn't have it. So I was a little. And he didn't go to four different stores to get it because you would have. He came home.

Thanks. So.

You did not fucking order candy on. How much did it cost you? I don't think that that matters. It matters to me. How much it cost you. I got my harvest mix. Well, that does matter. And I beat the shit out of it and it was fantastic. Do you know that I have used door dash slash Uber eats slash whatever. I think twice. And one time was to get alcohol delivered to an airport. [00:21:00] That makes me really proud of. Good job. Then we got through security and realized there actually was a bar on the other side. You have a desperate times, right? I didn't know that. You didn't know what was going to happen, but if you didn't have anything, I know. Ah, you know, I can't fly without wine. So anyway. Yes. So Halloween now kind of sucks Halloween then. Fucking awesome. I know, and I, and I know we are those people that, you know, No, it was about how awesome it was back in the day. But I'm sorry. Halloween was other things. No, no. Right. Like when you could turn your ass loose on the street, For hours. But, you know, that was also the era of like kidney. Kidnapping and satanic panic. What were our parents thinking? Well, do you think they didn't care if we came home? The news twice a day. It's true in the morning. At night, they didn't see it. That's true. They weren't watching it all day, every day. 24 hours a day. Yeah, it shouldn't be now either [00:22:00] cause that shit's depressing as hell. Okay. Are we done with Halloween?

Yeah, I think so. Okay, so for grab bag. Okay. So let's introduce our grab bag segment. Why don't you. Tell our listener.

Which one, the one in Australia or the one in Vietnam? Yeah. Yeah. Or New Zealand. We're international baby. I know. What we're going to do with this graph. Okay. Okay, so just for fun. and in case you're tired of listening to us blather on about nothing. if that's the case, actually you should also leave because that's pretty much the podcast. We're friends. We're friends. We're just having, we're just, this is like we're inviting you into our friendship. That's what this is about. So we're going to, that's a grab. Segment it's it makes me, it reminds me of like, late night TV, how they always have like some. Interesting. Like, remember Conan O'Brien Reese to drive the desk. Stupid [00:23:00] as hell. Loved it so much. I would watch that segment over and over again. So we wanted to have like a fun, just bullshit segment, something fun. But different every week. Yeah, we couldn't settle on just one thing. That would be fantastic every single week. So we're going to do a grab bag. Yep. And do them all. Yeah. So we came up with a bunch of ideas. The small, one of my children came up with some ideas. I don't know what they are. They're in this. I'm a little nervous. A little nervous about what the 11 year old came up with. I'm feeling good about. Yeah. Okay. All right. So you want to grab the grab bag? Bucket. Oh, wow.

I think people are going to judge me that fact that my. 11 year old is standing in this room. Okay. Okay, so we're going to talk about, can I see that? Yeah. Oh, your high school Anthem. Oh man. I was going to say, oh fuck too. But for a different reason. I'm terrible with music, which is funny. Cause I have a couple degrees. In that. [00:24:00] Well, do you want to go first? Maybe you'll inspire me. What was your high school Anthem?

I don't know. Okay. So. Let's break it into chunks. Shall we? We're going to be here.

So freshman, sophomore year. Oh no. Okay. Pearl jam. Okay. Where are those flannels? Here's the thing.

In life, you're either a Nirvana person or you're a Pearl Jam person. And if you're a Nirvana person don't please don't talk to me. Uh oh. So Pearl Jam. Okay. So, okay. Every...the 10 album right there, like that was my anthem freshman/sophmore year. Okay. Like absolutely...The song? Just the whole, the whole album. But then towards end of sophomore, leaking into junior, what we just talked about? Jagged Little Pill. Okay. Yeah. Right. I mean, like, Then...you are way cooler than I am. You gotta throw rent into that. Okay. Okay, now we're talking. I got that. I got that soundtrack for my 18th birthday soundtrack. The soundtrack - [00:25:00] original Broadway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cast of Rent for my 18th birthday and it changed my fucking life. Is that when you decided you wanted to do like theater stuff? No, I've been doing it the whole fucking time. Oh, okay. It just was so profound. Yeah. Like I loved the shit out of that. And then sprinkle in some, you know, hippie music. I mean, who didn't listen to the. Beatles? Oh, come on. Yeah. The shit that our parents listened to course. Strawberry Alarm Clock. Yeah.

I don't even know a song, but them, I just went dead. My dad had the album. What about the black album from Metallica? I'm sure you don't even know if that is no. God. It's a great fucking album. Yeah, so good. So I. Okay. Yeah, I really wish that I could play some of this. This theater shit. Nobody's going to know. I know, I know when. And I wish that I could like play some of this when I edit this to like be under, but then we'll get copyrighted. We can't do it. don't worry about it. Listen [00:26:00] to it, right. You are okay. so a, I have something to say about Pearl jam. And that is that I didn't even know who they were until like my senior year of high school. And I fucking lived on the west coast home of grunge. We're close to. Oh, I so was, and I didn't even. Who Pearl jam was until I went on a date. I don't even know how I knew this guy. No, that is not true. Oh, but it is true that I'm a couple of years older, so you're right. If it was freshmen. And sophomore for you, it would have been junior senior for me. So they were fairly new, so I do feel better. Theater. Yes, I was. So I didn't know who they were. Pop music. Alternative, which is probably why there wasn't a second date because I was like pro shampoo. yeah, I didn't get into any of that stuff really until college. And then I was like, I don't know. It didn't matter to me. Pearl jam Nirvana. I didn't care. I just loved it all. but yeah, Alanis, that was, yeah. Oh, yeah. I got it. I remember being so fucking angry. Yes. I think I was listening to it the other day. I was, you ought to know I was listening to that. [00:27:00] The. I wasn't pissed at my husband. I just needed a. Yeah, you ought to know. Yeah, so. For me real lame stuff. I mean, of course the Beatles and stuff. Cause. My dad.

But yeah. Yeah, no, for me, my. School stuff. Phantom of the opera and Leymah's on repeat. Alternating on repeat. Yeah. We Phantom and what Leymah's. Okay. I love the shit out of both of those shows. I listened to them constantly then, but. I was preparing you in your room, singing. less than. Less in my room and more like doing chores and stuff. Did you have like. Like a ballet mirrors.

No, but I'm telling you, I did watch a chorus line 101,000 times. And I, yeah, yeah. I had that movie memorized. I mean, I grew up on movie musicals. Like I did too. Yeah. [00:28:00] Yeah. But I loved it. All of that. All this stuff. Yeah. I've listened to, like, I just listened to radio. So whatever was on, that blows my fucking mind because. You have been a music major, basically. I know. I know. You don't know shit. No, I don't. Nope. Most times to be honest. I mean, I can tell you. Like one of the most gorgeous chord sequences in the entire world is from, the, the opening of a Wagner opera. I love that. That's what I can tell you. I was a vocal performance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that shit too, but you gotta know about all of it. But I don't, but that's why I have a husband. Okay. His taste in music makes me sad. I know you two have always argued about that. I know. Cause he's like a reggae guy. He's not, he's a Bob Dylan Guy, which is just. God. A lot of Bob Dylan. You know, what he loves right now is the national he's [00:29:00] real into the national. Modest mouse I'm being told. Modest mouse. All right. I think we've talked enough about this. I think with the very little wine that I have left, I think we need to do a cheers because this is our fucking first episode. Here's the us. We did it. Let's do that in the microphone. Oh,

I dunno. I just want to make sure it was there. Okay, well, listen, listener. Yes. So much. And if you've stuck with us this far and. Please come back. Please keep talking about this shit and more things. I mean if you're not listening we're still going to talk so I mean we just want to have the excuse I guess But that works To Have you here Yeah yes Here's to mom friends yeah Right. And I'm hey i'm midlife crisis is more fun With friends Yes. Cheers. [00:30:00]