Moms Giving Thanks(giving)

Millie: Welcome to Reinventing This Shit Show, a podcast for moms who are just trying to make it through the day. I'm Millie.

Maxine: And I'm Maxine.

Maxine and Millie: We're friends. We're moms. We're having a midlife crisis.

Maxine: Won't you join us?

Millie: Well, we're recording so you can talk about you want.

Maxine: I don't have anything to say.

Millie: I'm sure you do you! What happened? You finished a chapter of your dissertation?

Maxine: Yeah, but that was weeks ago

Millie: Yeah.

Maxine: And I got stuff back and now I'm dealing with that. I don't know what happened this week.

Millie: Your son

Maxine: Yes. The boy did the official, you know, it was like the NCAA official signing

Millie: That's so crazy.

Maxine: I know. Not anything I've ever done in my life

Millie: They don't do that for musical theatre degrees

Maxine: They don't. They sure don't. So, like, the school makes a big deal, and he's sitting at a table in front of everybody, and they announce him, and he signs this letter, and we had gotten the letter from the college the night before. So, take it in, and blah, blah, blah, and they sign.

Millie: And it was a whole deal.

Maxine: It was a whole thing. Yeah, no, I definitely, you know, because first boy is music theater guy, so this is my first experience. I mean, even, like, my brother, and... Like, family members, nobody's done this before, so it was pretty cool.

Millie: So yeah, so that was a big thing.

Maxine: So that, that was the thing this week, honestly, and then really we're, cheer season is upon us. Tomorrow is kind of the kickoff, and so, that officially starts tomorrow and like once a month until April.

Millie: That's a lot of competitions.

Maxine: And, you know, cheer parents are special. I don't fit in. I kind of stand on the outside. But yeah, she's really excited. So, that starts tomorrow.

Millie: You might find some cheer parents that are, I mean, there's definitely some dance parents that are more my,

Maxine: I think I'm okay the distance that I have now. I think I'll stay there.

So that's so that's it. Let's, let's catch you up. Let's see what's happening. I know something that I really want to know about that you haven't told me about really except for some bullshit texts.

Millie: so this is gonna make the catch up, I think, a little long, but I think it's worth it because this was one of the strangest nights of my life, and I don't know if anybody, you know, who was there or knows, this person will be listening, so I should preface it by saying It was super fun. It was just very strange.

Maxine: You love this person. I actually do too. Yeah. I think it's super cool. However,

Millie: It was so weird. Yeah, so we went to, for the people who are listening to this and don't know what I'm talking about, the, the proprietress of one of our favorite restaurants turned 60 and she had a birthday blowout, which was in the…what's it called?

The, like, club space.

Maxine: Was it…was it like the VFW or something like that?

Millie: It was, like, the clubhouse of a mobile home park. So, which is, it was actually much nicer than you would think it would be, right? There was a whole, you know, kitchen and there was a stage and it was, she invited, I don't know, there were definitely hundreds of people there. And she worked the whole time.

Maxine: Oh, I'm sure

Millie: Her restaurant did most of the catering.

They had some traditional Thai dancing, which was cool. They had a hula dancer. They kept saying, “straight, straight out of DC.”

“So and so, straight out of DC.” For the hula dancer.

Maxine: Is that where it originated?

Millie: I guess, the Hula

Maxine: I guess I didn't know that.

Millie: She was really good. What else? Oh, there were lots of, they had like games, like we played musical chairs.

Maxine: what I saw was dollar bills being shoved into people's skirts

Millie: That was the huladancer.

Maxine: Was that a dance? Or Was it

Millie: I don't know. She started it. The birthday girl started it. She brought the money up and shoved it in the hula dancer's bra.

Maxine: yeah. And there was not a lot of room in that bra

Millie: There was not a lot of room. No, no. Yeah, it was. It was very strange. And they had like hundreds of prizes in little gift bags at the top at the front.

And I, I told my husband this is what she said and he thought I was wrong, but it turned out I was right. The emcee, her husband has died recently, a couple years ago. .

Maxine: So, what you thought it was, was actually what it was.

Millie: It was all stuff from her house. Just, I mean, from like, we, we won.little, like, the little tubes, the Nescafe packet tubes.

Maxine: What the fuck?

Millie: We won a traditional tie vest, which was pretty cool.

Maxine He looked really snappy in it.

Millie: With his giant foam cowboy hat. 'cause it was a cowboy theme.

Maxine: Okay, I was hoping because

Millie: It was a Thai

Maxine: really...

Millie: Well, it wasn't Thai cowboy. The birthday girl is Thai. Yeah. But her, the theme was like.

Maxine: Cowboy. Okay.

I did see a lot of cowboy hats

Millie: There was a lot of cowboy stuff happening. We won a big, like a yard, couple yards of Thai silk, which was really cool. I'm going to give that to my mother in law to do something with.

Maxine: What can you do with that?

Millie: Oh, she'll make something beautiful out of But then like a can of, you know, the packs of pre made tuna with crackers. Yeah, we have, we got one of those.

Maxine: Did you check expiration date?

Millie: I did, I did, I did, It's it's good for another year. There was a box of DVDs

Maxine: Oh my God. So it was like a garage

Millie: It was like a garage sale, it was a raffle.

Maxine: but free garage sale.

Millie: So Well, it wasn't exactly free cause the, the raffle tickets were 20 bucks, but it was a 50, 50 raffle and half of it was going to Thai children.

Yes, it was going to children and stray animals in Thailand. So she raised, the birthday girl raised 5, 000 for her charities in Thailand.

The whole evening was just, just different.

Maxine: What did the kids think? Were they like,

Millie: they got to eat Thai food

Maxine: yeah, which is always a win

Millie: and play musical chairs. And the big one was... A finalist for best costume and she wore the Ken shirt that I was going to make my husband wear for Halloween, so we finally got to use that.

So yeah, we just were wearing big foam cowboy hats

Maxine: I know. I liked it,

Millie: It was cute, it was, it was a lot of fun. It was very different.

Maxine: Those pictures are something

Millie: Yeah, it was one of those experiences you never know, you never knew you needed in your life

Maxine: Sure.

Millie: But yeah,

Maxine: But you did.

Millie: So it was, it was fun.

Maxine: I felt like you guys were there for a really long time

Millie: Like three and a half hours

Maxine: Yeah, that's a long party.

Millie: Yeah, we were

Maxine: Were you guys like, you know, we're gonna head out, or was it still going?

Millie: No, Well, the raffle wasn't finished.

Maxine: But you had to wait and see if you were gonna get any more cans of tuna.

Millie: Anyway, okay, we should

Maxine: Okay, so that was, yeah, good, good little catching up there. Because I was dying to hear about that weird ass party, so that's good. So, it's Thanksgiving time, friends. It's like here. Which is... It's crazy as shit that we're already, and you know, everybody old says this.

Millie: Where did the…

Maxine: Where'd the time go? I can't believe, but seriously, what the hell's going on

Millie: Time does go faster, I think, as you get older

Maxine: When you're old, when you're seasoned. Seasoned. Seasoned. Well, anyway, so, what are you guys doing?

Millie: Ours is really simple. So my family's far away, so they will not, we will not see them. My husband's family, parents live here. Brother is overseas with the military. And sister lives like four hours away. So sister's family is going to come down with their two kids. So we'll go over there for Thanksgiving. My mother in law will do most of the cooking.

Maxine: You gonna Bring anything or…

Millie: I'm sure we'll bring something. We had it here, was it last year or the year before, and my husband deboned the turkey and rolled it into some sort of weird, like...

Maxine: A turkey cigar? What the hell are you…

Millie: It was, it was not a cigar, I mean, yeah, but yeah, yeah, he put the stuffing in and rolled it. I don't know,because you know he likes to do weird shit.

Maxine: Why does he have to make everything so weird? Can he just make Thanksgiving like a normalperson?

Millie: No, because he doesn't like Thanksgiving food. So if he's going to be the one cooking it, he's going to do it

Maxine: his way

You know what? He can just wait in the car. That's, that's how I feel.

Millie: If you give him some beer

Maxine: he'll just hang out

So what, is he gonna go to his parents house and not eat Thanksgiving

because he…

Millie: no. No, he'll eat

Maxine: Will he talk about how he wishes he was eating something else?

Millie: Probably. It's possible. Yeah. Yeah, that's a whole thing. Yeah, no, so we did, that was a weird one. Not as easy as he thought it was going to be, which is, it was exactly as easy as I thought it was gonna be.

Maxine: Yeah, but that'sdelightful. I like when he realizes that he's in over his head.

Millie: Oh my God. But he did it, and it was good. I it was, you know, whatever. So no, we won't, we'll, we'll bring, oh, they've asked me to make my apple pie. like the one thing, besides the roast chicken, I'm really good at a roast chicken, and I make a stunning apple pie.

Maxine: Okay, so that's good.

Millie: So I will make the apple pie. We will go over there. We'll hang out. We'll have too much to drink. We'll just, it's, it's like my favorite holiday we're just going to sit around and do nothing. There's like no stress other cooking, cleaning up. There's no gifts to buy. There's like stuff. to buy. so yeah, we'll do that.

And then we are, the weekend before, it was supposed to be this coming weekend, but now it's, it's the weekend before, the horse moves. So we will be the proud owners of a horse that can't eat solid food.

Maxine: and has fungus problems.

Millie: I think the fungus is better.

Maxine: Oh good. That's a win

Millie: But so she wants to take the cousins

Maxine: Oh that's cute.

Millie: to see the horse and maybe let him ride and stuff.

Maxine: Aw, that's fun.

Millie: so we'll do that. But you, your Thanksgiving is much more stressful.

Maxine: Well, it is, but it's not, it's going to be weird because I'm not doing anything like I'm not cooking. I always cook ever since mom died, like I do the whole thing. And so this will be the first year that I, we are going home to the Midwest and bringing husband and children. Half of my family has never been there, so that's going to be fun.

Millie: Now your oldest, though, will not be there

Maxine: My oldest is still on that cruise ship. Yep.

Millie: Which we're about to be on

Maxine: I know. I was going to say, we're, you and I, we're going to be, and the rest of our people, 26 days. but who's counting?

Millie: But who's counting?

Maxine: Mom is.

Millie: You haven't seen him in so long

Maxine: I know. I can't wait. It's so great.

Millie: But I texted you that we saw him.

Maxine: I know, and I don't know what that is.

Millie: We were just, my husband wanted to watch reviews of the ship just because I think, you know, we're getting anxious.We want to it see it

And the guy said the entertainment, he said it was the best rock band he's ever heard at sea,which is a strange category, but I mean, obviously this guy's a cruise guy he's got a whole YouTube channel about it. So he's saying, this is the best rock band and we're watching and there it is and I start screaming.

“It's…!” you know, I'm not going to say his name. It was so great. So if I can remember who it was…

Maxine: Yeah, yeah, that's cool. So no, he won't be with us, but that's okay because we're going to see him soon. But we're going to go and be with my brother and his family. My nephew's turning six while we're there, so that's pretty awesome. And it's going to be crazy. I haven't been home in a long time, you know?

Again, ever since my mom died, I, I haven't had a real strong desire to go back, so but we're gonna go and do all the things that you do,

Millie: A midwestern Christmas. I mean, I don't, or Thanksgiving.

Maxine: Thanksgiving,

Millie: I’m not from the Midwest, so

Maxine: but it's, it's a great place. It was a great place to grow up. And so I'm, I'm excited. Lots of good food and, seeing people that haven't seen in a long time.

So yeah, it'll be nice, but we'll be traveling and you know, it's one of those trips when you come home and you're just so fucking exhausted cause you just go, go, go the whole time. So it's not really going to be relaxing, but, so, we're excited. The kids are excited, so, yeah, I'm looking forward to, to being home. And it makes me, going home, I was talking to my brother the other night, just kind of getting ready for it, and we were just sort of talking about, like, Thanksgiving when we were growing up and how wild and crazy everything was

Millie: So much fun

Maxine: yeah, because I probably for you guys too, but like, you know, the cousins would come and that was in the era that every dad had one of those big ass video cameras. Do you remember that? Like they, they all had them and they would just like turn them on and let them record for like hours and hours and hours. And my dad always did that at Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving and Christmas, he would just like prop it up on the side and just record.

My dad did it really for every holiday and it caught a lot of like the whole family would be saying grace at Thanksgiving. And I would be turned around, making faces into the camera, and my…

Millie: Oh, you told me about that

Maxine: yeah, and I thought my dad had caught me because Grace was over and he moved his arm and I thought he was gonna hit me for fucking around.

Millie: He, you were not abused. Let's…

Maxine: I wasn't, but, but, you know, yeah, And so I went to duck. And that wasn't it at all. He was reaching for something else. But then like a few minutes later, my mom goes to put like vegetables on my plate and I freak because I don't want vegetables on my plate.

And my dad kind of squeezes my shoulders like, Stop it. It's all on camera. We have the entire fucking thing. Still, to this day, my kids can watch this.

Millie: We don't, I don't think we have those, but I remember driving out because my grandparents whose house we used to always go to was like 20 minutes away, something like that, and getting in the minivan, you know, right, with my Walkman and listening to Christmas songs or whatever I was doing probably New Kids on the Block.

In fact, I know it was New Kids, I'm sure it was New Kids on the Block. but driving out there to like, The whole family, the cousins, and the,

Maxine: Yeah, cause did you have like a big extended family?

Millie: Yeah, and now it's, it's much smaller

Maxine: Yeah, ours was pretty small, but I had my mom's sister and I have three cousins and we always were with them for holidays. So it felt big cause that was five kids, you know

I don't, those were a lot of fun growing up. Like, we had a blast. And the food. Like when you think about. Like, the elaborate meals that we would have.

Millie: yeah, did you have like the jello salad? Yeah, with the whipped cream?

Maxine: Yeah. Ours always had like oranges and pineapple and shit in it, and you could put some cool whip on it. And then like the cranberry sauce, which my brother always called cranberry barrel because when it came out of the can, looked like a barrel.

Millie: yeah.

Which is gross. I don't even like that, but mm mm.

It's like jello but not

Millie: yeah.

Maxine: Well, so, I don't know, and I'm not really sure how to segue into this except just to say, like, this time of year, I feel like, is like a time when you kind of start, you know, you're supposed to think about things you're grateful for, you're supposed to have gratitude, you know, but I don't know, I feel like I've been thinking about that stuff more in general just in the last five years as a way to, like, Decrease anxiety, to be really

Millie: to we're supposed to, be doing that

Maxine: yeah, like that, you know, so it kind of goes with Thanksgiving in a way because this is that time of year when you are reflecting on things that you're grateful for, but also I feel like in this season of life,it, it helps us, you know, with some other things that are happening in our lives, and I don't know, I just kind of wanted to talk about it and like hear how gratitude is What it's like in your life, and how you practice gratitude, whatever the fuck that means.

And like, what you do. Cause I'm, I'm really like, this is one of those things, really in the last year, where I'm really, really, really trying to think about gratitude, think about being grateful. What does that look like? How do you do it in life? And so I'm just kind of wondering where it is for you, too.

Millie: I think you're much better about it than I am.

Maxine: Why? Why do you

Millie: well, because it's not on my mind as much as, as it probably should be. And I did, you know, I went through that whole Mel Robbins phase, which I need to get back into because I loved it. But I sort of got, I just sort of fell away from it.

And she did an episode on gratitude, and you know, I had been thinking about, like, you're supposed to get up in the morning and write the three things you're grateful for, right? It's supposed to be helpful.

Maxine: It’s hard to do, even that

Millie: I don’t do anything. When I first wake up in the morning, I'm, like, trying to drag myself out of sleep just to wake up enough to, like, walk the dogs.

So, remembering to write something down is just not going to happen.

So I think it's important, but then she was talking about like toxic gratitude too, which is another

Maxine: Yeah, you said that to me the other day. What does that mean? Because I don't know if I know that. I know toxic positivity.

Millie: it's similar. So part of it was like well, first of all, she talked about how gratitude is different than thankfulness.

So like, if someone holds the door for you, you're thankful. But gratitude is a long lasting, like an emotion that changes something or changes you, or I don't remember what she said exactly. And then she was talking about the different kinds of gratitude that are toxic, like The one that sticks out to me is when you use it as a weapon.

When you say to someone, like your kids, Hey, I did all of this for you. You should

Maxine: that is definitely, and I do that. So, that isdefinitely toxic.

Millie: I try really hard not to do that because I think my grandmother used to do that. Maybe not so bad, but for some reason it's stuck in my head.

Maxine: I try really I think my mom guilt weapon. Are you, you know, are you fucking kidding me? I did all this for you today. So you're gonna XYZ. Yeah, I do that.

Millie: Yeah. So that's, that's a hard one.

Maxine: That's a good

Millie: and then, oh, there was one gratitude as a way to let yourself be stuck.

Maxine: Hmm, what does that mean?

Millie: saying like, well, I don't love my job, but I'm grateful just to have a paycheck. So you feel like you should be grateful because you have a paycheck instead of saying to yourself, I don't love this job. I need to move on. I need to find something

Maxine: find something else. And that's really more, I mean, I see how that falls under gratitude, but also that's being honest with yourself, because sometimes we're not great about that, you know, we'd rather not dig deep and feel uncomfortable and have those uncomfy conversations with ourselves, but yeah, that is fake gratitude, and also it's you not being honest.

Millie: and then there was one that was like gratitude as guilt, sort of like it was similar to that other one, but it was like, okay, well. Maybe I have cancer and I'm guilty of this one because I used to sit at Moffitt and think this when I was like Feeling sorry for myself like I'm stuck at Moffitt for another fucking day and I know tomorrow I'm gonna be sick as a dog and the next week I'm gonna miss my kids lives and you know Just feeling bad and then I would look around and I'd see people in wheelchairs and I'd be like, okay at least At least I'm not dealing with what they're dealing with And I would have a lot of people say to me like it doesn't matter what anyone else is going through what you're going through sucks But it…

Maxine: And I so do that. And, and I, I don't know if that's necessarily a negative all the time because I do think that, and no, you shouldn't, it's not, I'm not talking about keeping up with the Joneses and talking about like comparing yourself to others, but I think also being mindful of other people's struggles.

Like I, I absolutely, I mean, No, it doesn't minimize your struggle, but I think it's also okay to be aware that some people probably are having a rougher

Millie: Yeah, yeah, and they definitely were.

Maxine: Yeah, I mean, I think that that, because I definitely do that, where I think about, you know, you need to sack up, dude, like quit being such a...whiny bitch about stuff that's, yeah, that's, God, you're, you know, hashtag blessed, right?

Millie: Shut up. No, I, no, I can't, I cannot get onto that.

Maxine: Yeah, So,

Millie: what are you, are you cultivating a gratitude practice?

Maxine: No. And you just sounded like a fucking therapist when you said that.

Millie: Do you know how many years of therapy I've had? All of them.

Maxine: I’m not cultivating shit. This is not a garden. But no, but I am. I'm like Especially when I'm, because I'm trying to like retrain my brain to quit being so fucking depressing and negative all the time. And so, yeah, I'll, I'll do that where instead I'm going to stop that negative thought with, Hey, what do I feel good about today?

What am I thankful for today? Like I'm trying to switch it. Every time this is my new thing and you know, I'm, I don't know, a few days in probably total because I forget to do it. But I'm stopping the negative with the positive and my positive is. What, what happened today that was good,

Millie: That's really good.

Maxine: you know, like, and who could I show gratitude to?

Who, who's done something? I mean, even something stupid as shit, you know, like my husband sent me a meme that was really cute and he never does stuff like that. And so that meant a lot to me.

I said, I love when you send me stuff like that because he never does. Well, that's, that's not that big of a deal, but what I'm trying to do is retrain myself to, to see positive instead of negative.

So I, I do think that that goes with gratitude and like, you read all this stuff about, you know, when you. Acknowledge things that you're grateful for, that you have gratitude for. It decreases your anxiety. It makes you less depressive. It also gives you this future mindset that's more positive instead of negative. Like that's, that was something that I read.

Millie: A future mindset - what does that mean?

Maxine: Yeah. It's like, like. Instead of looking into the future and being, like, worried about it, you're having this, like, positive outlook, like, Hey, something good is probably going to come from whatever, instead of, Oh, shit, I'm worried about what, you know, I'm worried about how we're going to pay for this, or I'm worried about how we're going to be able to handle this, or whatever.

If you are, like, constantly looking for those moments to be grateful, you're less likely to have those negative outlooks in the future.

Millie: So yeah, I love what you're doing. I want to do it.

Maxine: Well…it's not fucking, I don't know if it's fucking working.

Millie: Well, you've only been doing it a couple of days.

Maxine: but it's, yeah. But I, I, and I had tried to do it a few months ago and then. got sidetracked and

Millie: Isn't it funny how you go in those?

Maxine: You know, and I think that's it.I think sometimes you settle into your negative shit.

Millie: Like, this is comfortable. I’m comfortable with this.

Maxine: No and so I think this time of year and you know kind of brings about thinking about that stuff and just the fact that my kid is leaving and you know trying to be grateful and live in those moments and actually I read something too that was like even if Gratitude is hard for you, basically fake it, because the more you do it,

Millie: You’re creating new neural pathways

Maxine: your brain, yeah, you, you are, a new, that's exactly it, creating new pathways.

And so that this one article was like, just fake it. Say it even if you don't feel it, think about it even if you don't want to, and eventually it will become a habit, because that's all you're trying to do.

Millie: Right, you’re making a habit.

Maxine: Because that’s what you’re trying to do anyway, is is have this, Instead of those negative thought patterns, have the good thought patterns, or the, you know.

Yeah, where you are aware of things or moments that you should feel gratitude, that it just comes up more naturally. Yeah. So I was like, really? Fake it? But yeah.

Millie: So here's something, and I wonder if maybe this would, because it's Thanksgiving and maybe this will feed into that.

So I have this little tree, like a little decorative tree, right, that I leave out all year round and I put different ornaments on

Maxine: Okay. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. So,

Millie: So for Thanksgiving, I got a huge batch of these like little, like leaf, like little cutout leaves that have little hangers on them and they're just paper. So a couple of years ago I got them and I made my family write things they were grateful for

Maxine: Fuck yeah

Millie: or grateful for and hang them on there. So I haven't done that this year, but now I'm going to get them out. I think getting those out and like, having a habit of writing on one every day and like putting it up there.

Maxine: Well, actually, another fucking thing that I read, just like that, this guy was talking about how his wife, instead of doing the journaling thing, because we

all say we're going to journal, we don't fucking do it, anytime she had a moment where she was like, shit, I'm sitting in this gratitude, I'm so grateful, she would write it down and put it in a, like a jug, basically.

And then New Year's Eve, she read them all from that year.

Millie: Yes, my mom did this when she came to visit a few years ago. Yeah, she made this beautiful little jar. My mom is the most amazing crafter. She needs to do more of it. I hope you're listening, mom. In fact, I keep saying she needs to start a business like wrapping other people's gifts because

Maxine: Oh my God, I would send her my shit to wrap

Millie: she would make so much money. Anyway, so she made this beautiful jar decorated it and it said happy thoughts jar, and we were supposed to all like write stuff and drop it in there and do the, we, we didn't fucking do it. It's sitting in there. It's from like 2021

Maxine: but that's such a cool idea. Yeah.

Millie: I, okay. I need to get back on that because I think that's really, really cool. That's really neat.

Maxine: And make your family do it, and they'll be pissed about it, but do it anyway. But that's the whole thing, too, is, you know, kids are not, at least right now

Millie: “Kids these days.”

Maxine: well, they, gratitude is not, and it's, it's kids in general, like it's, it's an, it's an emotion, it's a, like.

Not a real easy thing for kids to necessarily, other than saying thank you for things, you know, food, presents, shit like that. But modeling for them, or at least faking it, going through the motions of being grateful for something.

If they see it enough, then maybe it's something that becomes like intrinsic to them and, and they have moments where they are recognizing, you know, feelings of gratitude or gratefulness or whatever.

Millie: It’s like a muscle. So I don't really think you're faking it. I think you're just stopping and saying, Oh, look, here's something to be grateful for. Let me take a moment and feel it. So you keep doing that, you remind me to do that, and let's check in next week and have a report back.

I would like to do a couple of things like that.

Maxine: Watch, you’ll ask me about it next week and I”ll be like

Millie: what are you talking about?

Maxine: I think

Millie: I think, but I think that's a good...

Maxine: I really am trying to do it though, like even before, it just kind of worked out that we were going to talk, we're talking about Thanksgiving because that's the season that we're in.

God damn, I've said season like four fucking times.

Millie: Seriously.

Maxine: But that's where we are, and this always conjures up those feelings of gratitude. But for me personally, it's something that I'm super trying to think about all the time right now.

Millie: I think it’s great and I want you to be successful at it and I want you to drag me along with you.

Maxine: It's just an awareness. You're good at that awareness shit. You're all types of awareness and kumbaya

Millie: I'm a little too aware,

Maxine: Yeah, relax with the awareness. But it, but it's good because I, I actually think it's going to help with anxiety. I think it's going to help with some negative thought patterns because you're breaking those patterns.

Millie: and they’re so deeply entrenched

Maxine: Yeah. Yeah. Because you, that's, that's how I'm wired anyway. you are too, but, but I just use sarcasm as my like, You know, shield. But, I'm definitely half glass empty kind of person. Also because I think it's funny as fuck to be like that. But, but I am that way. And I'm really trying to sort of not

Okay. Well, so let's, we'll check back with each other next week and hopefully I will remember what the hell you're talking about, Let's grab some bags

Millie: Grab the bag. I want a jingle. We need a jingle.

Maxine: Let's have the eldest sing something

Millie: Um, let's have the Eldest, can you please write a jingle for us?

Maxine: With some harmonies that's like a fifties like

Millie: Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes! Okay, big one, you heard it, because I know you're listening to this.

Maxine: Yeah, he is.

Millie: Who put all the blank shit in the, grab

Maxine: the baby of the group. She put, to trick me, she put,

Millie: It’s like an April Fool’s trick! Why are they all blank?

Maxine: Because she's playing a trick on me.

Millie: Ok, I see something. No, that wasn't? Okay. She's

Maxine: And she put it in this fishbowl where I can't like,

Millie: Did you find any?

Maxine: yeah, and it's, it's definitely her topic. This is one she wrote. So she wants us to talk about anything that's happened to us in middle school that was traumatic. It says middle school trauma.

Millie: Do you have anything that comes to mind?

Maxine: Yeah.

Millie: Oh boy, you go first. Okay,

Maxine: Okay. So this is really,

Millie: Is this something you want to share with our listener?

Maxine: Um, Yeah, so I, I know this is gonna shock you, but I did get in a fair amount of trouble when I was in school for talking and for saying inappropriate things, and so I would get sent out to the hall a lot in middle school, particularly, particularly,

Anyway, okay, so my history class, or geography, whatever the fuck it was, and my, science class. Mr. Newbecker and Mr. Butcher. I'm going to say their names because they’re dead

Millie: Ooh, calling them out.

Maxine: they're dead. Um, so...

Millie: Did you make sure of that yourself?

Maxine: I'm just... Given their advanced age at the time. So they both were not huge fans of me.

And they would send me out to the hallway when I was being too sassy

Millie: So, out to the hallway, unsupervised, just go sit in the hallway

Maxine: Sit in the hallway. So...

Millie: You’re a danger to this class, please go sit somewhere unsupervised.

Maxine: There was a kid, anytime I was in the hallway, he would walk by and kick me.This was in my science class and so anytime Mr. Newbecker would send me out because I was being naughty in class, I would like try and stay in because I knew that kid was going to walk by and kick me every time he did

Millie: Why was he in the hallway?

Maxine: bathroom, like he, cause the science room was right by the bathroom. And it, it probably only happened once or twice, but my memory is that anytime I was out there, that kid was going to kick me. I can see him right now. He's wearing a plaid shirt, big glasses, and he would walk by. And then I would like stand up to try not to be kicked.

He'd still try and kick me. And I would go and tell Mr. Newbeck. I'm like, do you see he's kicking me? And he's like out, out of the, out in the hallway. Nope. I didn't care.

Millie: Oh my gosh.

Maxine: It was very traumatic. So there, there you go. That's trauma.

Millie: I cannot beat that.

Maxine: I mean, middle school is traumatic no matter what

Millie: Middle school is trauma. You get up in the morning and it's trauma.

Maxine: You’re ugly, you have braces, you have pimples, you

Millie: You got a bad perm

Maxine: you aren't bathing properly yet, you haven't quite mastered, you've got your wet and wild powder and lipstick,

Millie: Oh my God, oh my God

Maxine: You know, you're rough looking, and you smell, everybody smells like onions.

Were you well behaved in school?

Millie: Of course, I was a goody two shoes. I was, traumatic though. I, I mean, the whole thing was traumatic, but I can't point out one specific thing. I mean, I had a science teacher who would sit on a stool in the front of the room, Kind of man spread. And one time there was a hole in his pants. I mean, we couldn't see anything, but there was a hole in it, you know.

Oh, I had a science teacher that hated grape, grape bubblegum for some reason. She was allergic to it. So we would always sneak grape bubblegum in there because we couldn't stand her.

Maxine: I want to talk about this teacher hanging brains. So, like, there was just a little bit that you could see?

Millie: you couldn't really see anything. I just remember there was a hole like in the seam of the crotch of his pants.

Maxine: Did he have undies on?

Millie: Oh, for sure.Like it was not inappropriate, but he was sort of creepy.

Maxine: Yeah, he probably did it on purpose

Millie: Like, in this day and age, like if I, if he was one of my kids. teachers, I would be nervous. Like, I remember thinking he was a sex offender and we probably spread rumors that he was a

sex offender.

Maxine: Especially with his shit hanging out.

Millie: Yeah, he was

Maxine: Cause now in my head, his balls were out.

Millie: Okay,

Maxine: They were flopped out for all to gaze

Millie: I don't remember his name so I can't say it anyway, so I guess we can just pretend that's what he did.

I don't, but the big thing in my middle school was pantsing people and I was never pantsed but I am still traumatized to this day by remembering thinking I was going to be at any moment for some reason that was like

Maxine: that was a big deal. People did that a lot back then. Now they'd be suspended for it. Back then, nobody gave a shit.

Millie: I know right we talk about bullying now and how bad the bullying is but I don't remember So, you know, my kids never came home and said anybody pulled their pants down. So I think most of the bullying now is more like, it's smarter.

Maxine: Well, it's because, well, and because people have access to people 24 hours a day, you know, they can use these platforms to fuck with you all day long.

Okay. Anyway.

Millie: Moving along. So that was um a semi traumatic grab bag. Great, now I'm gonna have to have a conversation with my kid and find out if everything's okay.

Maxine: Well, okay. So happy Thanksgiving to everyone, to you, to yours, not to your husband necessarily, but to, to everybody else in your household.

Millie: You’re such an asshole. You love my husband. You guys just love to hate on each other. so Happy Turkey Day.

Millie: And remember.

Maxine: A midlife crisis is more fun with friends.